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how would Jesus vote?

If you spend as much time on FaceBook as I sometimes do when I need a mini-vacation, you’ve probably seen political posts from your friends telling you how important it is to vote one way or the other, in captions that could fit on a bumper sticker. Some of them are clever, some of them use rhyming words, more than a few mock unfortunate physical attributes or distort the faces of the candidates into caricatures, or they capture the individual at a vulnerable moment like I’ve done five times, below.

And maybe you’ll judge me because I’m going out on a limb here to express how passionate I am about our government and how I think our current President has done a really good job holding things together this past 4 years for which he hasn’t really gotten credit, and because I feel he’s managed to accomplish some pretty major goals that people in the opposing party are doing their best to sweep under the rug. Maybe you think all Christians should vote Republican, or you’re embarrassed we’ve got a black guy in the White House. But I’m actually proud that I care this much, and I think you should, too. I want you to vote this November, but first, I want to make a few things abundantly clear:

It’s nobody’s “turn” to be President. Taking turns is for preschoolers on a swing at the playground. Our government is not a playground, and I wish grown Congressmen would quit behaving like preschoolers who need their mommies to lead them away for a nap. Most of us are not playing, we’re working our back ends off to keep a roof over our heads. The Presidency belongs to the most competent individual in the race, the guy who can really help us make ends meet, and it’s good to read up before running out to the polls. The captions to the photos below are from two recent beefy articles by Fred Kaplan, Romney’s World and Why Romney is a Foreign Policy Lightweight.

When Mitt Romney humiliated himself in London last week, I couldn’t even stand to listen to the newscast. I already knew the story. Having been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I decided to take some time off last December when it became more obvious that the guy depicted above would become the Republican candidate, the “last man standing” as it were. The pretty church people started crowing about how it was “their turn” to have a Mormon in the White House, and knowing them rather intimately I cringed on the inside. I cringed because of how clueless many of them are when they get up to speak in Sacrament meeting, or to teach in Relief Society or Gospel Doctrine classes, how those of us who are really in need (including single mothers and abused children, the sick, the lonely) learn to portray ourselves as the pariahs the pretty people expect us to be in order to fit in (badly) with their plans of ascension to the Celestial Kingdom. Charity is their favorite topic; they can talk about it all day long.

Jesus knew Mormons in his day, when he walked the Earth and called Himself the Son of Man. They weren’t called Mormons back then. Jesus knew them as Pharisees. They wouldn’t eat shellfish or hang around with a woman who was menstruating or help a neighbor pull his donkey out of a ditch on the Sabbath… well, you get the idea. The “Who sinned that this man was born blind?” crowd. The reason I left the church was because the Mormons’ lack of understanding for, and willingness to lay blame on, people who are really having a rough time. I have never enjoyed watching someone get his comeuppance, so to speak, as much as he may deserve it. I really wish Brother Romney would develop a little humility before he’s felled like the mighty oak. Pride goeth before a fall. And it hurts to see the laughers and the mockers in this great and spacious building that’s about to fall with a great crash, even though they laughed at me and mocked me when I really needed their help.

I can’t help but think of King Saul as we watch Romney’s misadventures as a nation. We know what he did in London; he was himself. In Israel, he tried to hold a feast on their national day of fasting, on the anniversary that not one, but two temples were destroyed. The irony is that destruction of a Temple really ought to mean something to a Latter Day Saint, especially the first and second ones that ever existed. But here’s our former Bishop Brother Romney with his hand out to the wealthy Jews, asking for $50,000 a plate, raising money abroad for his Presidential campaign (which is probably more of a felony than his mis-remembering how long he was CEO at Bain). Rather than meeting with leaders of both parties in an Israeli election year, he snubbed one in an apparent back-room deal with the other, and he’s not even President. And I’m sure we’re all waiting with bated breath to see what gaffes he pulls off in Poland.

But God sees what no one else can. There’s a book called How To Divorce Your Wife that tells a man how to protect his money and assets. One of the first things he’s supposed to do is offshore his accounts. Mitt’s already done that. Now that he’s essentially divorced the United States, he wants to be President of the United States, kind of like when your ex wants to crawl back into bed with you because it’s easier than moving on. I beg you, do NOT vote for this guy.*

The Bible says there are two things in life that you don’t want to meet: a bear robbed of her cubs and a fool in his folly. I’ve got something in common with the Bear, but when I see the Fool, I turn and run. Fast.

* * *               * * *               * * *               * * *               * * *

*Hey, everyone! Thanks for NOT voting for Mitt Romney. I know, he’s a laughingstock now because the Republican Party eats its young (as does Satan, I might add). But as a special treat for those still reading this post-2012 election season, here are 2 links that you’ll get a big kick out of from the talented Hugh Atkin who uses sound bytes spoken by the very people he’s lampooning (you’ve heard BO’s cover of Call Me Baby, haven’t you? No? Find it yourself). Enjoy!

Will the Real Mitt Romney Please Stand Up? (eminem)
You Didn’t Build That (MC Hammer)


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3 thoughts on “how would Jesus vote?

  1. Pingback: Who Would Jesus Vote For? Part Two « life of a female bible warrior

  2. oo my how true this is

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