Reform Rochester Now!

Making city and citizens self-sustaining

The Doormat Test

Ever notice how easily men seem to make decisions? I’ve been told that color blindness is something men get that women generally don’t. If I was on top of the world, I think I’d like to see everything in black and white. Removing all nuance from a situation really simplifies the problem at hand, making forward momentum inevitable.

Where do women fit into this? Well, for millions of years our survival meant being ambiguous and conciliatory. Because if I was a guy, I’d pick the woman who sees things MY way, who tries to guess what I need and doesn’t inconvenience me with the need to negotiate or even make the effort to use human language. I’d find the girl who doesn’t expect me to ask nicely and I’d yell and stomp until she got the message and I could get on with my day. That’s how our mothers’ mothers learned to get with the program. That’s how progress is made. So my big question would be, does Woman X pass the Doormat Test?

Disagreement is just fine and won’t interfere with the natural selection process as long as I can’t understand what the hell you just said. So, I think what we do as women is, we try to express ourselves in mystifying ways attempting to avoid rejection while making some kind of message known. For example:

Someone recently made the following comment on one of my posts: “To generalize and assume we are all man haters or damaged and therefore are threatened with removal of the group is counterproductive to the point. We are in control of our bodies and we made choices that resulted in our paths we face everyday. I don’t regret a single thing because I am who I am as a result and I will help others with what I’ve learned, not punish them if they don’t see it my way. Remove people if you wish but you only make your mission to help harder.”

As a woman reading that, I try to translate that as, “I know you’re not a man hater, but I’m going to confuse the issue and… something about retroactive birth control and… don’t remove me from your group, but I disagree with you.” What the F does that EVEN MEAN? I switch my lenses for a minute and try to use my lizard brain to figure it out, and all I get is… does she pass the Doormat Test? YES. As a woman, does that make me happy? No.

What is my point? My point is, What kind of nonsense comes out of our mouths as single mothers when we appear before the Judge, or God forbid a Fathers’ Rights Activist on national television to argue a point? I worry about that.

Stop being so goddamn ambiguous and conciliatory, ESPECIALLY if you’ve perpetuated the species already and you don’t have to worry about the natural selection process. My God! It’s time to say what you mean and to teach men to EXPECT us to say what we mean and to listen instead of giving us the Doormat Test all the time. What this woman commenting on my illustration SHOULD have said would have been either:

“Yeah, I agree! We’re not man-haters. But we have the right to control our destinies by being conscious of who we procreate with.” Or, she could have said:

“I disagree. No woman is going to stop and think about social conditions or educate herself before making a baby, what’s wrong with you?”

I guess my point in posting this today is as a suggestion for honing your comments hereafter. Be clear about what you mean, what you’re thinking and what you’re saying. Caveman days are over. Stop being so ambiguous and conciliatory and start expecting to take some heat for a just cause. Stop calibrating your responses to pass the Doormat Test.


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